Burning Bright
by ambie176
Summary: Looking at Jace was like looking at the sun: with all it's beauty it mesmerizes you. But look to long and it will burn. As much as she tried, she couldn't look away. AU Set After City of Glass.
1. Prologue: Love that Dances in the Shadow

**Burning Bright**

**Rating**: M

**Summery**: All Clary wanted was to feel normal again, for life to turn back into some resemblance of reality. But life would never be normal again; looking at Jace was like looking into the sun: with all it's beauty it mesmerizes you, but look to long and it will burn. As much as she tried, she couldn't look away. AU Set After City of Glass.

**AN: PLEASE READ** A few things you will need to know: this is set directly after City of Glass, but with some minor changes from the book. Clary and Jace are not really brother and sister, but they did not find this out. They still believe they are brother and sister. The Prologue begins with the dance at the end of COG. Hope you all enjoy this! Review and let me know if I should continue.

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**Prologue: Love that Dances in the Shadows**

_The love that lasts the longest is the love that can never be._

_S. Maugh_

Clary's eyes wandered the crowd desperately. With each glimpse of shining blond hair her heart would flutter, but she knew even as she saw it that it wasn't him. To Clary, and to the rest of the world it seemed, Jace was someone who stood out from the crowd with an unearthly beauty. _The blood of the Angel runs in your veins. _The blood ran through all of their veins, but Jace was closer to the Angels than any person she knew. _If only they knew how close he was. _Pushing her bright red hair from her eyes she let her hand fiddle with her dress, bending and weaving it through her fingers as anxiety swallowed her whole.

_I should be damned for feeling this way. _She cast a glance to Alec and Isabelle who were dancing affectionately at the edges of the dance floor. Isabelle stuck her tongue out at Alec and began doing something that resembled the Cha-Cha Slide. Alec flicked Isabelle in the ear and dodged her incoming slap artfully. _So carefree. That is the way siblings behave. Loving annoyance and affection. _Jace and her should behave like that. _We will never be like that. No one behaves like us. _Clary let her eyes drift along the crowd. Robert and Maryse held each other close gazing in each others eyes. Robert leaned in with a perfect smile and kissed Maryse on the ear, whispering to her with sparks in his eyes. Maryse blushed and looked down to the ground. _No one behaves like us, only like how we want to behave._

_As lovers. _

Clary felt tears threatening to slip from her eyes but she tried to swallow them down. She failed miserably, the tears falling down to the ground that had taken on a magic shimmer. It shimmered liked the Glass City- full of beauty, light and hope. She turned away from the crowd and sank near the edges of the party to the floor.

_If only I could scrub myself clean. _

"Clary?"

Clary looked up and saw her mom walking to her, concern overshadowing her happiness. Clary sank into guilt. _I am making her unhappy. Of all people, she should be happy. _"Yes Mom?"

Jocelyn sank down in the grass next to her and wrapped her arm around Clary. For the first time in so long, Clary felt comfort surround her. She turned burying her head into her mothers shoulder and cried silently. Her mother wrapped her arms around her, and held her without saying a word, kissing her on her temple. Clary was thankful: for once her mother didn't ask questions, she let her sob without a question and answer session. More than ever, this isn't what Clary wanted, it is what she needed.

After several moments of silence, Jocelyn moved back from Clary, running her fingers through her daughters hair. "You will find someone sweetheart. Have faith."

"Mom-"

"I know how you feel sweetie," she whispered, "Everyone around you is falling in love and you feel alone. But you will find someone."

Clary opened her mouth to replied but a shadow on the hill above them caught her eye. Jace stood above her, looking down at them. She couldn't decipher his expression from the distance, but even from here he was so beautiful it hurt her. Jocelyn separated herself from Clary and turned smiling at Jace with a wave.

"See," Jocelyn said with a smile, "You're brother doesn't have anyone either. You shouldn't let it get you down Clary. You both will find love one day. Be happy! We have our family back again."

Clary tried to contort her face into a smile as her mother stood waving at them both as she moved back toward Luke on the dance floor.

Clary looked back at Jace standing above her, a bit closer now. The wind blew his blond hair in front of his golden eyes. His white button up shirt clung to him and in the light it was almost transparent. His perfection left her breathless every time.

Clary shakily came to her feet and began walking up the hill, away from the joyful crowd and toward Jace towering above them. She stood in front of him, her dress whipping in the wind behind her. They didn't say anything, only gazed at one another. After a long moment of silence, Jace removed his hand from his pocket, holding it out for hers. _"See? Your brother doesn't have anyone either."_

_If only I could tell you. Mom. If you would understand._

"It's never going to go away," Clary choked out as she let her hand slip into his.

Jace golden eyes swarmed with a misery that mirrored her own,"I know."

"What do we do Jace?" Clary whispered, letting tears spill onto her face.

Jace pulled her close to him in one swift motion. They were so close his hair fell down onto her, tickling her face. "For now, we dance."

"We can't-"

"I know Clary, but can you just dance? Forget about the can'ts, and what ifs. Tonight just dance."

"And in the morning?" Clary whispered, "What then?"

"Then," Jace whispered, "We will be brother and sister."

"I don't know if I can do that," she cried.

Jace dipped his head down and for a fleeting moment kissed her on the forehead. Leaning in close he whispered so softly she barely heard him, "Neither do I."

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AN: What do you think so far? Please review!


	2. Chapter 1: Family

**Burning Bright**

**Rating**: M

**Summery**: All Clary wanted was to feel normal again, for life to turn back into some resemblance of reality. But life would never be normal again; looking at Jace was like looking into the sun: with all it's beauty it mesmerizes you, but look to long and it will burn. As much as she tried, she couldn't look away. AU Set After City of Glass.

AN: Thank you to those of you who reviewed! Let me know what you think so far! Reviews are very important to me to help me know what I need to change and what is good about my stories.

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_Where we left off:_

"_I know Clary, but can you just dance? Forget about the can'ts, and what ifs. Tonight just dance."_

"_And in the morning?" Clary whispered, "What then?"_

"_Then," Jace whispered, "We will be brother and sister."_

"_I don't know if I can do that," she cried. _

_Jace dipped his head down and for a fleeting moment kissed her on the forehead. Leaning in close he whispered so softly she barely heard him, "Neither do I."_

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Chapter One: Family

_Just one kiss on my lips_

_Was all it took to seal the future_

_Just one look from your eyes_

_Was like a certain kind of torture_

_Once upon a time_

_There was a boy and there was a girl_

_Just one touch from your hands_

_Was all it took to make me falter_

_- Forbidden Love, Madonna _

It was not the sun that was streaming through her bedroom window that awoke Clary from her pleasant dreams, but it was her mother quietly slipping about the room with a glow to her aura and a happy tone to her humming. She blinked rapidly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes she didn't move from the bed. She only stared at the white ceiling, wishing for it to give her answers.

In her dreams she had taken Jace by the hand, not to dance in shame but to dance in the light, with the love of others. They had walked down the hill smiling, their fingers laced and joined their friends. The were all happy smiling and laughing with each other. They embraced with the approval of others, opening basking in the glow of their love without disdain.

_If only_

"Oh Clary I am sorry! I didn't mean to wake you dear," Jocelyn turned around startled.

Clary blushed, realizing she must have spoken aloud, "It's okay Mom. I should have already woken up."

Jocelyn sat down on her bed glowing. It had been so long since she had seen her mother so happy. In fact, in this moment she was more happy and carefree than she had ever seen her mother. The knowledge that her mother was happy gave her a small amount of joy. The first real smile in weeks crept up on Clary's face and at the sight her mother only smiled brighter.

"I was coming in here to see if there was enough room," Jocelyn paused, taking Clary's hand, "Clary, I spoke with Jace last night."

Clary's heart dropped out of her chest and as much as she tried to fight it the smile slipped from her face. Her mother, looked out to the room in such joy that she hardly seemed to notice. Clary knew what her mother would say and for all the horror in the world she couldn't stop it. _There is a part of me that doesn't want to. The part of me that horrifies me the most. _

"Jace has decided he will move home, where he belongs," Joyclen looked back to her daughter with a sparkle in her eyes, "Clary he is moving with us."

"What about the Lightwoods-"

"They will always be apart of our family Clary but Jace belongs with is mother and sister. We deserve to be a family. I was trying to see if there would be enough room in your room for him until we leave for New York. It would only be a week or so. We just have so little space to work with here."

Jocelyn rambled on, moving things around to fit her need while Clary laid in shock. If she had believed that her situation couldn't have gotten any worse, she would have been just proven wrong. Her world collapsed around her. _How could it possibly get any worse? How will I be able to bear living with him? Sharing a space with him? Alec and Isabelle would have no problem sharing a room but this was different. Jace and me will never be like that! I can't tell my mother why I can't share a room with Jace. _She pushed her face into her pillow in shame, hoping to drown out her mother's ecstatic humming and the hopeful glow of the morning sun. _I will have to grin and bare. For my mother, for all of us._

Clary pealed herself from her bed and walked over standing next to Joceyln. With the brighest smile she could muster she said, "I suppose we can stuff him in here. Hopefully we don't kill each other."

"I doubt that, "Jocelyn smiled. "You all have such affection for each other it just proves to me how much we are meant to be a family. I am so glad you and your brother care for each other. After all this time you have taken up with each other so well. Like best friends." Jocelyn hugged her daughter tightly, "You have no idea how happy this makes me."

"Yeah I do mom," Clary said into her mother's chest, "It makes me happy too."

_Lies._

* * *

Clary tried to ignore the whispers in the back of her mind as she stepped into the shower. The water that fell onto her was so hot it stung leaving red blotches on her fair skin. _It makes me happy too. Right. I bet I makes you happy. _Clary huffed at herself in frustration. _How could this make me happy?  
_

_Why not? Hours upon hours alone with the man you love only inches away from your bed. Could so easily crawl in under your covers just for a minute- _

She shook her head, cutting off the images that ran through her mind and turned up the heat. The water almost burned her and painfully bit into her skin but she didn't care. The pain dulled the voices in her own head. Taking her shampoo, she lathered her head, taking her time trying to enjoy her privacy.

_Not like you will have it for long. _

"Fuck!"

Clary cursed, soap running down and burning her eyes but she didn't care. The tears that ran down from her face was from the pain- internal or external pain she wasn't sure but it didn't really matter. She couldn't live like this. Constant torment without any escape. Even when she was apart from him she made herself miserable.

"How can I live like this. It has to stop," she cried, the water muffling the sound of her voice.

Clary turned off the water, stepping out of the shower she quickly dried and pulled on a pair of shorts and a white tee shirt that read_ Love and Peace _with the Trigun logo sprawled beneath it. Simon and gotten in for her on her 15th birthday. Oddly enough, she hoped it's message would keep her grounded in at least fake happiness. She knew she couldn't hope for true happiness right now, but if she could muster a fake smile it would be enough for the day.

Pulling on a red pair of sneakers, Clary jogged downstairs. Luke sat at the kitchen table, a small leather bound book held in front of his face. Jocelyn busied herself around the kitchen, trying desperately not to burn the bacon. She hadn't had cooked breakfast in so long, the view of the kitchen was enough to put a bounce in her step as she plotted into the chair next to Luke.

"Smells wonderful Mom!"

"Thank you sweetheart," Jocelyn said, shuffling the crisp bacon onto a plate and setting it down in the middle of the table. Luke, taking one hand from his book surreptitiously moved toward the plate of bacon. With a laugh, Jocelyn smacked Luck's hand away from the food.

"Wait," she ordered, laughing as she moved back flipping the fried eggs.

Luke looked up from his book for the first time since she entered the room, "But-"

"No buts," Jocelyn said, "You heard me. Wait."

Gesturing at the plate of bacon. Luke mouthed at her, s_plit a piece?_

Clary nodded, breaking one of the pieces of bacon in half and slipping it to Luke. Giving each other a high five, Clary eat her half of the bacon. It was so warm, so good that it melted into her mouth.

"I missed you mom," she smiled.

"Did you miss me or my food?"

Clary laughed, "A bit of both."

"Morning everyone," Simon exclaimed moving gracefully into the room, taking his seat opposite of Clary. Jocelyn quickly moved and closed the blinds in the kitchen. Simon nodded a thanks and began talking to Luke rapidly.

Simon's gracefulness was something she would never get used to. Like so many things in her life, the one thing she thought would never change, changed more than anything. A vampire, Simon will be forever different from her . Living forever he would never age, never die like she would_. Forever damned. _Simon, the sweetest boy alive was cursed for eternity. She would never be able to see justice in that but Simon had accepted his fate. Especially as of late, he seemed happy. After all they had been through, their relationship would never be the same but she knew she would always have him.

_Even if I could change it, I wouldn't I would erase my past for the world._

From the living room, Clary heard the sound of the front door open. Moving from her seat, she was the first person in the room to get to the living room and see Jace walk through the door. Dressed in faded blue jeans and a dark black tee-shirt, he stood awkwardly in front of the door, a small duffel bag swung over his shoulder. They stared at each other, and Clary tripped over words in her mind._ What do I say?_ _Hi bro, we will be rooming together. Let me show you our bedroom. Lets try not to ravish each other and everything will go smoothly. _

"Clary I-"

"Jace!" Jocelyn exclaimed, taking him in for a quick hug, kissing him on his forehead. Clary swallowed, not because it was Jace but because she had held him like she did Clary. For a brief moment, jealously brewed underneath her heart before she quickly stamped it out. "We will be moving back to New York soon as you know, but for now you will be rooming with Clary. Clary dear, can you show him to your room?"

Clary desperatly wanted to say _he knows the way. _But she didn't. Ignoring the faint looking of horror on Jace's face she quickly nodded and motioned for him to folow her up the steps. After a few moments of of walking alone, Clary turned at the bottom of the steps, "Come on Jace."

Jace stood motionless in front of the door. After their mother had left he had dropped his duffel bag on the ground, his mouth agape. "Pick up your bag. Come on."

Almost roboticly Jace picked up the bag, the same look of horror plastered across his face as he followed up the steps behind her. Entering her room, Clary waited for Jace to pass, shutting the door softly behind them. Clary motioned to the empty bed across from her. While she had been getting ready, Jocelyn and moved in a small bed and had moved around Clary's things for Jace to have room to store his own. They would now share a dresser and closet.

_As if the room isn't enough. _

Jace dropped his bag onto the bed and sank onto it burying his head into his hands. "My god."

"I thought you didn't believe in God," Clary whispered.

"I do now," he laughed, "And he has a bad sense of humor."

Jace paused and looked up into her eyes. For a moment, as the sun from her window streamed down and lit them up, it was just the two of them. No family, no friends, no forbidden. Just love. Clary felt her face flush and she so desperately wanted to look away but she couldn't do it. Clary felt her feet move toward the bed but she had no will to stop it. She sank next to him so close their legs grazed one another with the slightest movement.

"I shouldn't be this close to you," she whispered breathlessly.

"I shouldn't touch you," he whispered, turning and putting his arms around her waist.

"We have to stop." But she couldn't. Her heart raced so rapidly she couldn't hear anything over the drumming. Jace pulled her close, so close that their noses touched. He lowered his head slightly and his hot breath ran down her neck sending shivers down her body. Looking up he has a pleasant smile on his face.

"Are you cold?" he smirked.

"You are an asshole," she breathed.

Jace leaned forward, with his finger tips he delicately brushed her hair back off her shoulder and whispered into her ear, his lips gracing them, "If you wish you can get off my bed."

Clary shivered again, letting a pleasure filled breath escape her mouth. "Jace we- I – we-"

"Clary! Jace! My goodness are you killing each other already! You can fuss about the closet later!Breakfast is ready!"

Her mother's voice calling from the stairs sent Clary into such a shock she tipped off the bed, crashing into the floor. Shame washed over her in so many colors that it made her sick. Sinking her face into her lap she began to chant curses. Jace slid into the floor next to her, gently removing her face from her lap and looking deeply into her eyes."

"Breakfast."

"Jace," she said exasperated, "You really want to eat?"

"No, truly I don't," Jace retorted, "Honestly I am torn between tossing you on the bed and scalding myself from the shame of it all. Remember when you said what we feel is sickening? It still is Clary. I just don't know if I can fight it anymore. But we have to try. Get up and eat breakfast okay?"

Clary nodded, "I guess its a start."

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AN:Review! :)


	3. Chapter 2: We Can Do This

**Burning Bright**

**Rating**: M

**Summery**: All Clary wanted was to feel normal again, for life to turn back into some resemblance of reality. But life would never be normal again; looking at Jace was like looking into the sun: with all it's beauty it mesmerizes you, but look to long and it will burn. As much as she tried, she couldn't look away. AU Set After City of Glass.

**AN:Thank you for those of you have read/reviewed the story. While would love more of you who read my story to give me feedback: If I get enough reviews I will post the next chapter this afternoon! On another note, to all of you who celebrate it, Happy Thanksgiving and good hunting to you on Black Friday! **

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**_Where We Left Off: _**

"_Breakfast."_

"_Jace," she said exasperated, "You really want to eat?"_

"_No, truly I don't," Jace retorted, "Honestly I am torn between tossing you on the bed and scalding myself from the shame of it all. Remember when you said what we feel is sickening? It still is Clary. I just don't know if I can fight it anymore. But we have to try. Get up and eat breakfast okay?"_

_Clary nodded, "I guess it's a start."_

* * *

**Chapter Two: We Can Do This**

As Jace and Clary descended from the stairs, Jace had taken Clary's pinkie and hooked it with his own. It was such a small detail in the scheme of things that he was sure no one would have noticed but himself. He couldn't take his eyes off the pair: both flushed, even Jace seemed flustered. Simon's stomach turned and he felt guilt for it. How could he feel sick at his best friend? Simon knew the answer but it was one he couldn't accept.

That morning as he laid on the couch Simon had heard Jocelyn and Clary talking above him. _Y__ou all have such affection for each other it just proves to me how much we are meant to be a family. I am so glad you and your brother care for each other. After all this time you have taken up with each other so well. Like best friends._ Simon could admit he as a man of faults, and in that moment he felt nothing but pure jealously. _I'm her best friend. _Simon so badly wanted to tell Jocelyn the truth behind her daughter and son's affection for one another but he just couldn't do it. He couldn't do it to Clary, who trusted him with all the world, and he couldn't do it to Jocelyn. It would crush her world that she had finally pieced together. Looking over to Luke, Simon knew he wasn't the only person who noticed the oddity of their affection but he was the only person who knew it was something more. After the past few months, most had concluded Jace and Clary had finally gotten over it. Jace had started to show interest in other girls, mainly Aline, and they were openly fighting, behaving, as brother and sister.

Simon was the only person who knew better; behind the bickering and glances at other people, all their actions amounted to was attempts and jealousy. Nothing had changed, only intensified. At first he was disgusted, and he would admit a part of him still was, but now he had at least grown to understand. _I can understand forbidden love better than anyone Clary. You know that._

Luke had glanced at the pair from the corner of his eyes and Simon detected a small frown on his face. Yes, he was sure Luke suspected, but for the sake of Jocelyn he kept quiet and made a minimum amount of suspicious glances. Luke was trying to ignore his enhanced hearing and vision and deny the facts laid on his table. Simon knew that. Clary was like his daughter.

He couldn't blame him for not wanting to face it.

A brother and sister in love; now forced under the same roof, in the same room.

Everything about the situation spelled out disaster for Simon.

The pair had paused at the bottom of the steps. No longer hooking hands, they had moved an appropriate distance away from one another. Jace leaned in ever so slightly whispering to Clary. _We can do this. _

_No, _Simon thought, _you can't Jace._

* * *

"We can do this," Jace whispered to her.

_Maybe we can. Maybe we can get past it somehow. _

When Clary looked into the kitchen Simon's gaze met her own. Clary blushed. She hoped more than anything that Simon had been distracted while she was upstairs. She wasn't sure yet how far he could hear, but she was pretty sure it was at least everything in the house. _Please God let him not have heard us. Please. _Jace and Clary took the two empty seats at the table. Side by side, Clary stared at Simon in front of her, opening and closing her mouth searching for something to say.

"I see you are wearing my favorite shirt," Simon pointed, "You have such good taste. Who ever would have got that for you?"

Clary laughed, looking in Simon's eyes _Thank you, _"Actually, a dashingly handsome vampire got it for me a while back."

"I see," Simon said affectionately, "And I thought I was your only vampire."

Clary laughed, truly happy in that moment. _I've missed this. _Luke sat down his book next to her, with an affectionate pat on the hand he smiled at them. Her mother next to him, leaning over and kissing him briefly. _Home. _For the first time, Clary felt at home again. Nothing, not even Jace's presence next to her, made the moment any less precious to her.

"So," Luke started, "I don't know about you but I am starving."

The kitchen was filled with the sound of spoons clanging against bowls and plates, chuckles and a few requests of "pass the gravy." The food in front of her smelt so wonderful that she barely noticed Jace's presence close to her. Heaping her plate with bacon, biscuit and gravy and a fried egg, Clary engulfed her food with amazing speed. After plates were filled, the table fell silent as they ate their food, only taking a moment out to gesture to pass something for a second helping. _Maybe we can do this. Maybe __Jace is right. After all, breakfast is going stunningly well. _

"So kids," Jocelyn said pulling their attention away from their plates. Taking a small sip of coffee, she continued, "I have spoke to the Lightwood's. I know how much you all care for one another and naturally want to visit while we are here. But we have all agreed that it would be best for the rest of our stay we spend time with or families. When we return to New York, I will be hosting a dinner for everyone so you will all catch up then."

Luke nodded in approval, downing the last drops of orange juice, "I agree Jocelyn. I think that we all need to spend time with one another. With the battles going on constantly, we haven't had much time together that didn't involve bloodshed. Of course, this includes you Simon. You are apart of our family."

Jocelyn nodded with a smile, "Simon you are no exception to my request. You have been with us for so long you are like Clary's brother."Jocelyn paused for a moment looking down at the table, dabbing her eyes with a napkin. "I am so glad you are with us Jace." It almost came out in a whisper, and her mother began to glow as she looked over at her son, "You don't know how wonderful it is to have you back in our lives. I believe in a God now more than ever- he brought my son back to me."

"_My God."_

"_I thought you didn't believe in God?"_

"_I do now. And he has a bad sense of humor."_

For a moment Clary's heart dropped. Before, the Jace she knew would have made some nasty retort in not believing in a God; that if their was a God, he just didn't care. Now Clary knew, even through the sarcasm, that Jace believed in God. He believed he hated him. Looking over at Jace, his expression had never wavered. The smile plastered on his face almost seemed genuine, but Clary had her doubts. How could he smile and mean it after all this?

_Because he has his mother back. _

Clary finally understood; even through all the torment of their situation, his mother overshadowed that. He had never had a mother. Maryse had been a good mother for sure, but her love Jace realized hadn't been completely unconditional. Now he had a chance: his real mother in his grasp, a mother who would love him no matter what he did, no matter what he said.

_No matter who he loved. _

"I am happy to be here too." His reply was short but Clary saw the glow in his eyes. In that moment he was just as happy as their mother. Clary felt the guilt that she had buried all day rise in her chest like a tidal wave. _They are so happy yet I lay here in misery. I roll in self pity like a pig rolls in the mud. I wish I could change everything- make him not my brother but that is exactly what makes her mother complete. I could find new love, maybe eventually. At least someone to satisfy me. She will never get another son. _

"I think were all happy," she smiled, "I think you're right mom. A week with family is just what we need."

Clary and Jace exchanged glances. In that brief moment they held their smiles. This was a bold accomplishment for them and Clary felt a small amount of pride for being able to do it. All the while though, anxiety bloomed in there hearts. Jace's words echoed in her mind, like a CD on repeat. W_e can do this._

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**AN: Aww she has hope. How cute. LOL. Review! **


	4. Chapter 3: You Started It

**Burning Bright**

**Rating**: M

**Summery**: All Clary wanted was to feel normal again, for life to turn back into some resemblance of reality. But life would never be normal again; looking at Jace was like looking into the sun: with all it's beauty it mesmerizes you, but look to long and it will burn. As much as she tried, she couldn't look away. AU Set After City of Glass.

**AN**: Thank you all for the reviews! I am sorry I meant to post this earlier this morning but I was surprised by my boyfriend of three years- he proposed! This chapter has been one of my favorites so far that I have written!

* * *

_Where We Left Off: _

"_I think were all happy," she smiled, "I think you're right mom. A week with family is just what we need."_

_Clary and Jace exchanged glances. In that brief moment they held their smiles. This was a bold accomplishment for them and Clary felt a small amount of pride for being able to do it. All the while though, anxiety bloomed in there hearts. Jace's words echoed in her mind, like a CD on repeat. We can do this._

* * *

**Chapter Three: You Started It**

Almost immediately after there exchange, Clary watched as Jace rose from the table and began picking up the empty plates that once held the heaping piles of food. Clary followed suite, taking utensils and cups and stacking them on the counter next to the left side of the sink. Setting up the drying board, Clary flipped on the tap and let steaming water poor into the sink. As hot as she could stand it, Clary plugged the sink and picked the bottle of soap next to the sink and poured it into the water. Jace moved next to her, laying another set of dishes neatly next to her own stacks. He didn't say anything, nor did they hand out duties. As other's sat at the table in an awkward silence, occasionally glancing at the pair searching for some way to say thank you, Jace and Clary worked around each other and with each other. _Like one person instead of two. _

"You all don't have to do that," Jocelyn said breaking the silence, "I can get that."

Clary opened her mouth to reply but Jace beat her to it. "It's alright. You worked all morning for this wonderful meal. The least we can do is clean it up for you."

Clary nodded in agreement, "Go relax Mom."

Jocelyn blushed, thanking the two as she left the room. Luke left the room after her. Clary heard a faint, "I could get use to this" as they exited the kitchen and moved up the stairs. As Clary glanced around the room; she realized that Simon had already exited the kitchen without a word. He never eats- since he can't eat food now per say- but he always came down for breakfast out of courtesy and for company. She realized with the sudden quickening of her heart that they were alone.

Clary glanced over at Jace who stood with a drying towel in one hand, the other resting on the side of the sink. Clary blushed, reaching up and opening the blinds, letting the light spill out onto them. She then dumped the line of cups into the sink. As she scrubbed, she would put them underneath the water on the other side of the sink. That's when their hands met. His fingers grasped the cup taking it out of her hands and finished washing the soap off the cup. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him as he dried the cup, setting it up in the cabinet. His hair was wild, as if he didn't brush it but it shimmered like gold in the sunlight. His entire body lit up. His hand that held the cup in the light, his face, tilted to the ground, his eyes slightly closed in a gesture of comfort. His body expressed his comfort next to her: his shoulders relaxed, even the muscles of his body which are usually rigid, seemed fluid.

Her heart skipped another beat.

_I am hopeless. _

"No," Jace said softly, "You're not."

Clary blushed, letting her hands smack the water in frustration, "Why do I keep doing that?"

"I suppose," He said slyly, "It could be because you can't keep your mouth closed. I do seem to have that effect on you."

"Jace," she whispered scandalously, her mouth falling open, "I can't believe you said that."

Jace shrugged his head with a smirk, "What can I say? I speak my mind."

"I know," Clary huffed, "One of your biggest flaws."

"Flaws?" Jace asked, "What flaws?"

Clary rolled her eyes, taking a plate and nearly slung it at Jace, letting water splash up on his face. With a smile she whispered, "Here Mr. Flawless. Dry this."

Jace blinked for a moment with a look of surprise on his face. After the initial shock wore off, Jace wore a gleam in his eyes and a devious smile slipped up on his face. "Jace don't you -"

Before she could even finish her sentence Jace had taken a soapy cup from the sink, full of water and dumped it straight on her head. Clary gasped, the hot water fell on her head, ran down her face and soaked her white shirt. Clinging to her, her small white bra stuck out like a sore thumb but she didn't care. "Jace." She growled

"Here he smiled, let me dry this up." Jace took the dish towel and rubbed it fiercely on her head. Clary squealed begging him to stop between giggles. Working her way to the sink, Clary found another full cup, slapping Jace with one hand and poured the cup on his head with the other. Jace didn't stop torturing her, instead a smile broke out on his face, and his laugh filled the room. The sound of his laugh, so carefree and full of life, was the most beautiful thing she has ever heard. The pondered in that moment and discovered she had never heard it before. A smile broke her face and she wrenched the towel out of his hand rubbing it on his own face and onto his hair.

"I think you missed a spot," he chided between laughs.

"Oh really?" Clary asked, "Where? Here?"

Jace began backing up against the sink, holding his hand's up in defeat but Clary was not that easy to give up. Suddenly, as she leaped after him her foot slipped in the puddles and sent her crashing to the ground. Clary closed her eyes bracing herself for the hard smack on the wet ground.

It never came.

Opening her eyes she looked down at the ground, only inches away from her. Above her dangled Jace. He was so close to her his wet tee-shirt dangled, touching her skin where her own shirt had ridden up from the grip of his hands. She could hear her heartbeat pounding so loud in her ears she blushed from the embarrassment of it all. His hands gripped her waist tightly, his close proximity engulfing her with the smell of his soap.

"Thank you," she breathed.

"Your-"

"What on is going on down there!"

Jocelyn stood at the edge of the kitchen, her hands on her hips. She had discarded her apron from earlier and slipped on an old pair of shorts and a paint splattered tee-shirt. The sight had apparently jarred Jace so hard that his hands slipped from her waist, sending Clary crashing to the ground. _Ouch. That really hurt. _

"Well?" She asked, "What exactly are you two doing? Is this what you call doing dishes Clary?"

"Well," she drew out, wracking her brain for some sort of explanation, "You see- we wasn't- it really- I didn't mean- It was his fault!"

"My fault?" Jace exclaimed, "How on Earth is this my fault? You started it!"

"I did not!" She yelled, jumping to a standing position, desperately trying to ignore the ache in her bottom from where he dropped her, "You dumped water on me!"

"You splashed me!"

Clary's mouth dropped, "Not on purpose!"

"Not on purpose? It was so-"

Jace was cut of by their mothers loud, "ENOUGH!" that rang across the house. Clary winced, for a moment feeling sorry for Simon who must be having a hard time blocking out the noise to sleep. Clary looked back at her Mother, almost relieved to see a look of amusement playing on her face. "I don't care who started it. Just clean it up and don't kill each other."

Jocelyn walked back up the steps and Clary looked to the floor dodging Jace's impervious glare. She grabbed the mop out of the closet As Clary sopped up the water, Jace began on the dishes. Clary heard Jace faintly muttering. What he said she wasn't sure. _I'm sure it's along the lines of "One day and she already gets us in trouble." _She smiled looking over at him while squeezed out the mop on the other side of the sink, She caught his grin as he mouthed "_you started it."_

* * *

Clary flung herself down on the floor next to her bed. The morning had went nearly perfect- something that was extremely unexpected to her. Outside of her bedroom her anxieties melted away, and even with the undertones of flirtatious behavior during the "clean up" in the moment she hadn't been embarrassed or afraid. For a moment they had actually bickered like Alec and Isabelle. _Like brother and sister. _She sighed, looking over at the door. This bedroom seemed to hold all of her anxieties. It seemed as if when she entered the room the carefree happiness that she had adopted stayed at the door. As Clary looked over at the new bed opposite of her own reality hit her in full force. _How can I sleep in the same room as him? _The thought alone made her blush. Her blush made guilt run all over her. Guilt, it seemed lately, ran over her like a second skin, something that circulated inside of her with her blood.

She tried to tell herself that it wasn't there fault they feel the way they feel. When they first formed these feelings, they had no idea about their situation. When she fell in love with Jace Wayland's smile, she hadn't know they shared the same blood. Tears coated her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks like silent raindrops, feeling like butterflies kissing her cheeks. _When I gave him my heart I didn't know we came from the same souls. He didn't know either. How can it be our fault. _

_The flash of Jace's face, his look of horror when he first heard the horrible truth flashed through her mind. Half horror, half sickness, Jace looked as if he would vomit. She knelt at his feet and he moved away from her, pulling his hand away from her grasp._

_The moment when I lost him forever. _

"Jace," She whispered. She closed her eyes; she didn't will the tears to stop. By now Clary Fray had learned there wasn't a point to wish away what wouldn't leave.

"Clary?"

Clary froze, her eyes opening and sliding toward the door. Jace stood, leaned up against their closed door, his face as smooth as glass. She shot up, wiping the tears away from her face, "When did you come in?"

Jace looked down at the ground, knotting his hands in his pockets, "A few moments ago."

Clary blushed, hoping that he hadn't heard her whisper his name. If he did, he wasn't commenting about it. For that she was thankful. She scooted back, leaning back against the edge of her bed looking across the space at him. His expression began to crack, his eyes glossed like her own.

"Asking you if your okay seems pointless," he whispered.

Clary could only nod. Jace dropped his head, and moved into the floor against his bed across from her. "What do we do?"

"I don't know Jace."

Jace looked up at her, his hair sheltering his eyes, "We had a good morning didn't we?"

Clary nodded, "I think this bedroom is cursed."

"Out there," he said gesturing toward the door, "We don't have to face it. In here, alone, with the door closed, we can't ignore it."

"What did Mom say we were supposed to do today?" Clary asked.

"Not much," Jace sighed, rubbing his hands over his face, "Said something about dinner tonight. We have to be downstairs and ready by five- formal wear."

Clary looked up at the clock on the wall. _10 AM. _"What do we do for seven hours?" She sighed.

After pulling on some dry clothing, Clary propped up on her bed, her sketch book propped up on her knees. Jace had his back turned to her, carefully pulling out items from his bag and neatly stacking them on the bed. Most of his belongings had been left at home, like many of her own things. She started small, penciling his outline against the shapes of the bedroom furniture. She wasn't sure where she was going with the drawing, but his position with perfect grace and stillness made him the perfect subject. The pencil moved her hand with it's own mind. The ridges of his strong back, slightly bent peering at the contents on the bed. His damp black shirt, tightly pulling around him showing the movements of his muscles. His hair angled toward the floor by the pull of gravity. His feet, barefoot, had a good distance between them, angled away from each other. One hand pushed into his pocket, the other running his fingers through the front of his hair.

_If only I could see his face. _

"What do you think," He asked across the room to her, "Do you think this will all fit?" He turned his head in her direction dropping his hand from his hair to his side.

"It's not to much," Clary observed, "I'm sure it will. The top two drawers are empty, and the right side of the closet."

Jace didn't move back to his previous position but Clary continued her sketch, creating the details from memory. The more she sketched, the more only her sketch book and herself seemed to exist in that moment. Her sketch book, pencil, and fictional Jace.

She felt the bed shift under his weight and she quickly shut her sketch book, looking over at him, sitting at the edge of her bed "What are you drawing?" he asked.

Clary paused, replying with the only thing she could think of, "Nothing."

"Well, that definitely means there is something," Jace observed, "Can I see it?"

Clary blushed, holding the book to her chest, "No."

"Why not? Your a wonderful artist."

"Because," Clary said, "It's personal. Like a diary. In there I can draw what I feel without anyone judging me."

Jace nodded, looking directly at the book, "So I would judge you?"

Clary shook her head,letting go of the book, laying it under her bed, "Maybe, I don't know." _The truth is, if you seen this you would know truly how I feel. If you saw, we might not be able to ignore it anymore._

Jace moved from the bed in silence, and out a set of clothing, holding them in front of him so she couldn't see them clearly. "I," he started as he touched the door knob, "would never judge you. How could I?"

* * *

**AN**: Please Review!


	5. Chapter 4: Time

**Burning Bright**

**Rating**: M

**Summery**: All Clary wanted was to feel normal again, for life to turn back into some resemblance of reality. But life would never be normal again; looking at Jace was like looking into the sun: with all it's beauty it mesmerizes you, but look to long and it will burn. As much as she tried, she couldn't look away. AU Set After City of Glass.

**AN:** First off, I AM SO SORRY. I should have reviewed MUCH sooner but with school and my wedding there hasn't been very much room for writing. This chapter is pretty angsty but it's one of my favorites so far. Please review and let me know what you think! It's spring break so hopefully between homework sessions I will get some more posts in!

* * *

**_Where We Left Off:_**

_Jace nodded, looking directly at the book, "So I would judge you?"_

_Clary shook her head,letting go of the book, laying it under her bed, "Maybe, I don't know." The truth is, if you seen this you would know truly how I feel. If you saw, we might not be able to ignore it anymore._

_Jace moved from the bed in silence, and out a set of clothing, holding them in front of him so she couldn't see them clearly. "I," he started as he touched the door knob, "would never judge you. How could I?"_

* * *

**Chapter Four: Time**

His words echoed in her ears like a pleasant melody. _I would never judge you. How could I?_ His breath hitched slightly after the words slipped out, making her squirm slightly in her place. How indeed. How could he judge her? One might assume it would be difficult for a sister to have a desperate passion toward her brother, but for her brother to have an equally desperate passion for her back, was another matter entirely. It wasn't just one person in the family to blame, one bad seed to wonder _how_ at, but two. Trying to pretend that when Jace looked at her, he only saw a sister was being past the point of blind but being willingly ignorant to the truth.

Silence elapsed around them and Jace had moved closer to her, inches away from her face. For a moment Clary had forgotten how to breath. She could feel her eyes begin to fill with tears. "Jace," she breathed." She opened her mouth, attempting to speak but no words could come out. She quickly moved from the bed, pushing him gently away from her. "I can't."

"What do you mean?" Jace asked, "What can you not do?"

"This!" she gasped gesturing to the space between them, "This pretending that what we feel doesn't exist. It's impossible Jace. I don't see why we even tried begin with."

Jace tried to close the gap between them but Clary inched away moving against the door, "Clary please. We haven't given it even a week yet. It takes time."

"Time?" she scoffed, "Jace we could have eternity and never have enough time. I feel like- like God is playing some vicious game! Like the joke is on us! You have no idea how badly I wanted _him _to be my brother Jace! Even after all the vile things he did _ us _I wanted that! I couldn't kiss him Jace- kissing a man that wasn't you didn't _feel_ right! It felt _dirty_! I want for you so badly to not be my brother that I would rather be related to a deranged murderer!"

Jace said nothing but his usually perfectly calm face couldn't mask the pain he felt at her words. Clary gasped for breath, sliding to the floor against the door trying to find some way to breath. She had finally said it. All those words she wanted to say but couldn't find the strength to. "I know how you feel Clary," Jace whispered, "I am doomed to love you, in a way that I shouldn't. I will always dream about you in ways that are_ wrong _The only way to I get through the daylight is to pretend there isn't anything here and to dream about what can never be at night."

Clary stood up, not bearing to look at his face. If she looked at him, she would never be able to escape the room that was collapsing in on her. "I am going to walk." she said softly. She hoped entirely that he heard her, but she left no time to find out as she escaped out of the room. The tears in her eyes blinded her and she reached out, letting her finger tips slide against the wall and lead her down to the bathroom. Colors blurred around her, blurred by the grief in her heart. She had plenty of near death experiences lately, but in this moment she had never felt any more pain. Was this the way it felt to die? To feel your heart convulse inside of you and your veins burn hot, like acid was eating you from the inside out.

When she had first seen Jace kissing her- that girl- she thought she could feel no more pain than that. In that moment, she thought that nothing in this world could feel any worse and until now she had believed that. Each time she pictured it- one hand wrapped around her waist, the other buried in her long hair, lips locked as if they clung to the breath of life itself. Even as she thought about it, her heart clinched tighter. But knowing that your love for forbidden, a sickly thing that turned the insides of any decent person, was to much to bare. To know that neither of you can never express that love but could never make it go away was a cruel sentence, worse than death.

When she had closed and locked the door of the bathroom she couldn't recall. The cold tile resting against her skin as she curled beside the tub, wallowing in misery, barely registered to her. Faintly in her mind she recognized a continuous thump on the door but she didn't have the energy to answer it. Only hours ago she had begun to think she could do this, be a normal sister.

How naive the young, weak, and self-blinded can be.

"Clary," a voice called from outside the bathroom, "Come on Clary answer me open the damn door."

"I can't." Her voice was so soft, she could barely hear it herself. She looked up at the lock, the door know screeching as it jiggled softly. Finally she heard the latch_ click. _Clary smiled weakly as Simon peaked around the door. His pity for her, ran deep in his eyes and she managed a weak smile, propping herself up against the tub. Even though Simon was cold, when he sat down next to her and pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her, she felt warmth again in her heart. However small it was, the love that Simon showed for her, the love showed by a brother, made her smile again. How she felt for Simon, she realized under the guise of a smile, was how she should feel for Jace. In any normal person's life, her situation should be reversed. Simon should be the man who broke her heart, Jace should be the brother who wills away the tears all the while silently vowing to bring an end to the man who broke her.

Everything about her life since that day at the club had went all wrong. Somehow she blamed herself for all of it. If she just hadn't have went to the club, if she had stayed behind with Simon and Luke with her mother she would have never met Jace or the Shadowhunters. She wouldn't be caught up in this deranged world. She might have been living a life of a lie, but the lie seems comforting looking back. Safe. At least in that lie, she could have settled down. Maybe she could have loved Simon. Maybe with the lie, he wouldn't have became a Vampire. They could have grown older together.

"Simon," she started, "If none of this had happened, if we never found out the truth, we could have been happy. Do you think we could have?"

Simon sighed, kissing her forehead lightly before laying her head on his shoulder. He laid his chin on the top of her head and whispered, "No Clary. As much as we both hate it, this is who you are- who we are. Fate chose this path for us maybe for a reason."

"What reason could their be for this? What good can come out of this pain?"

"I didn't say it was a good reason Clary," Simon whispered, "I just said a reason."

The two stayed quiet, wrapped around each other comforting each other as if their was nothing left to cling to. Clary tried to believe that if everything was different she could have loved Simon but deep down she new it was a lie as she thought it. Deep down she might have been able to be happy with Simon, she usually was, but never fully happy. She would never have the happiness a lover feels with their mate. She had felt that happiness before- she felt it this morning when he caught her inches from the ground. She would never feel that for Simon or anyone else. Only Jace.

"I am never going to be able to do tonight. Can I just sleep in your room?" I asked with a smile.

Simon chuckled, "I wish, but you know your mother wont let that happen. I think she still thinks we have potential."

Clary felt a small laugh come out of her, "I don't think you could handle another woman if you tried."

Simon's eyes widened momentarily before he nodded in agreement, "Seriously Clary, if this was every possible to begin with their isn't any other girl. You win hands down."

Clary stayed quiet for a minute before burying her face into Simon's cool neck. She had done this so many times in the past it had become second nature for her. Before it was warm, with the strong, quick beat of his heart audible just below the surface of his skin. Now their was nothing but silence.  
"I think that ship sank before it sailed Simon."

Simon only nodded. Clary felt herself getting heavy, the exasperation of grief wearing on her eyes. Slowly she felt herself fall into a deep sleep.

* * *

Luke laid his hand on Jocelyn's shoulder as she sat on the edge of their bed, her head in her hands. "I don't understand it. I just don't understand."

That is all she had managed to say after coming up the stairs for the second time after breakfast. All Luke could do was lay his hand on her shoulder, an acknowledgment of his presence and support of her and to quietly wait for words to come. Although he couldn't be sure of what had disturbed her, he had clues to what might have. To turn a blind eye to the trouble brewing in the room down the hall- and he was not talking about Simon's – was impossible, and if attempted, idiotic. There was no denying the sparks that flew between Clary and Jace and what was more troubling was Jocelyn's inability to understand it. She wasn't here to watch the trouble unfold. He could admit, he wasn't there much himself, but in the small amount of time he had with Clary before the truth unfolded he witnessed her love for Jace firsthand. The evidence of it was written all over her and at the time it made him even more determined to save the boy. Just because he didn't have his love, didn't mean anyone else had to suffer the same fate. He wished in some twisted part of his mind that the truth had never surfaced. While Jocelyn wouldn't have known she still had her son, the pain and suffering the entire family would now have to endure would have been non existent.

Her head lifted from her hands and looked deeply into his eyes. No peace existed in her green pools only confusion, guilt and anguish. Her own pain made his own soul twist in agony. Taking his rough, tanned hand, Luke ran his palm over the side of her face, letting her head find rest in his palm. "I don't understand," she whispered against his skin, "So much has changed. Was I gone so long?"

Luke stayed silent for a moment, unsure how to answer her. A simple answer would not sooth her mind, but a complicated one seemed to painful to gather. "I have so many questions now and I can't get the answers."

Luke leaned down and kissed her forehead. Resting his lips against her warm skin he muttered, "If you cannot obtain your answers from the source," he paused, taking his free hand around her back pulling her body against him, "Ask your questions to me."

Jocelyn nuzzled her face against he palm of his hand. The texture of their skins contrasted each other in such a shocking way that it sent chills of pleasure down his spine each time they touched. "Jace looks like my son," she cried, "but he doesn't feel like my son." She raised her head from his hand, her eyes wild with questions, shining with what seemed a spark of insanity. He could hear her heart quicken it's beats when she spoke the question and he took his hand under her shirt, stroking her soft skin trying to calm her nerves. "My son never felt _good _Luke! I know what people whisper about Jace. They say he is just like Valentine and in ways I see it. He walks like him, smiles like him, and is cocky as him. They don't understand that it is only skin deep- Jace is inherently_ good. _The only evil in him is skin deep Luke. It's only what people invent and thrust upon him. The good in his hearts radiates around him. I am awful?" she stopped with a croak, "Awful to think he is too good to be my son?"

Luke felt her desperation and felt he could do nothing to sooth it. He understood her meaning- Jonathan never felt good, never seemed good. They knew now why, but Jace wasn't the same as the baby Jocelyn remembers. Luke truly believed their was no demon blood in him. "Maybe it wore with time. Maybe he was poisoned by just the presence of Valentine, we all were. Jace is all good, we know that. You have to except he is your son. Jace is your son, there is no other explanation is there? He is good, considered a gift from the angel but be happy my love. We have a family now. We can live happily in peace instead of hiding."

"I know," she whispered, "I have been so selfish as of late with my thoughts. I will adjust, it just takes time. It is so much to take in." She paused for a moment, her heart slowing down but she still shook from panic, "I think I am going crazy Luke. I try to hide it but I can't help but watch_ them_. Am I seeing something that's not there?"

Luke had known this was coming and his breath hitched. She didn't have to elaborate for him to understand. He had tried to deny it, tried to ignore it to give them time. But the more that time elapsed, the worse the problem had gotten. To make it all worse, now with not even a wall between them while they sleep he could feel temptation rising. In the same home was bad enough, now in the same room he knew the tension would increase tenfold. Luke had to make a choice that would affect the family for a long time to come now. Would he expel all the knowledge that he knew concerning Jace and Clary to Jocelyn and shatter the already broken and bleeding picture she had of her family, or would he like. Surely lying would help for the time being but Luke knew it would have dire consequences. On one hand it could give Jace and Clary the time they needed and save the union of their family. On the other, it could only prolong the pain and make it all much worse in the end. By lying, Luke would be effectively putting all his trust, hopes and dreams into the hands of two teenagers.

Luke tried to clear his face and pulled up the corners of his mouth, smiling calmly at Jocelyn, "There is nothing there that I see darling," he paused kissing her on the cheek, "It's your nerves getting the best of you. They have the love of brother and sister- the way things should be."

Jocelyn let out her breath in relief and chuckled, "Silly of me to think so. I think I am thinking to much into everything now. I am so glad I have you to bring be back to reality. I think our family is wonderful- like it was always meant to be this way. They already love each other so much. It's a perfect fit."

"Yes," Luke agreed, pushing her lightly against the bed. Pulling himself over her, he straddled her thigh. Her body was warm beneath him and he felt her heart begin to race again. Luke felt his smile turn into a real grin, one he felt with his heart. The guilt of his own lie simmered beneath the surface but he longed to bury it in her scent. He longed to taste every inch of her delectable skin and bury himself within her. He buried his face into the nap of her neck and bit softly at her skin. Jocelyn sighed, craning her neck for him to taste more of her. He pushed his hands beneath her shirt, letting the pleasure at the touch of her soft skin wash over him. He pushed his finger tips under the wire of her bra, stroking the tender flesh of her breasts. Her breath hitched and he smiled, pulling his fingers back and rolling off of her. Propping himself up on his elbow he smiled, "It's perfect."

Jocelyn growled in frustration, "You really know how to work a woman up!"

Luke laughed, shaking his head, "Only a taste of what is to come. We right now- the children are still awake."

* * *

Clary waited just outside of the small home as the large white carriage pulled to a stop. The air was cool and light, created a perfect evening just as the sun was beginning to set below the City of Glass. Her mother stood close beside her, her arms locked around Luke's waist. They were all quiet, waiting for the last of their part to step outside. Simon had tried his best to let it be strictly a family affair for dinner, but for reasons only known to her mother, he had been forced to come along. Lacing her hand with Simon's, the cool texture of his hand comforted her nerves. Clary could smell Jace as he exited the door, the air no doubt ruffling his blond locks. She squeezed Simon's hand tighter, restraining herself from looking back at him.

The driver dropped from his seat behind the two white horses and opened the door of the carriage for us to enter. Jocelyn let out a short sequel and held onto Luke's hand as she climbed up. Simon gestured for me to move next into the carriage Smiling, I climbed up taking a seat to the farther side of the carriage on the left next to the window. Her mother sat across from her, totally enraptured with the scenery. No doubt, it had been many years since she felt this at home. I couldn't help, no matter how bad the situation may be, being truly happy for her. At the same time, I irrationally felt an immense amount of guilt for all her years of suffering.

The pressure of someone settling down in the seat next to me shook me from my thoughts. Smiling I looked over, assuming in my mind that the person would be Simon.

How terribly wrong I was.

The feelings I held were so mixed I felt like I would explode in seconds from the pressure. First, and foremost dreaded, was the undeniable happiness I felt that I shouldn't. Secondly, the rage and betrayal that I felt toward Simon and thirdly the anguish from not being able to reach out with the entirety of her body and push herself into his side.

"Hi." Jace said, his voice shockingly small.

"Hi." Clary said back matching his tone.

The carriage lurched forward down the street toward the City that seemed to reach the sky. She looked down to her lap after the exchange, fiddling with the hem of her green dress. Their mother was rattling to the group, her dreams and hopes felt like the filled the cabin and it was nearly suffocating. Clary tried to blot out the sound around her but the words still registered in the back of her mind.

_I am so glad we get to spend this week together here! _

_I know, we need this time as a family._

_When we get back we will start looking for another home. Luke's place is going to outgrow everyone, right Jace?  
_

The sound of his name propelled me into the conversation, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Mom giggled, "We was thinking that we could all get a nice house and have Jace move in with us. I am so happy- we finally all get to be a family."

She was suddenly dumb founded. For some reason she had never imaged her present situation would become a permanent one. The both of them living under the same roof, for longer than a week, took all the air out of her. She looked back at him, his perfectly sculpted jaws were tight, but he somehow remained calm, giving Jocelyn a stiff nod of agreement.

"I don't understand- what about the institute?"

"Well it will still be there Clary," Luke said rather obviously, "You both will go train regularly, and to see your friends of course."

"Clary we will get you re-registered for school. Mangus has agreed to do some of his magic and help us out with you three's situation. He said he could gather up some documents for Jace's records so he can enter in the same grade."Jace's head shot toward mom's, looking as dumbfounded as her, "Excuse me?"

"Well Jace," she started, "It is important for everyone to get a diploma. Take it from someone who knows, it makes everything so much easier. It gives you so many more options. And of course will have to start corresponding for colleges-"

"Mom!" I snapped, "Shut up."

The carriage fell into an uncomfortable silence, with everyone looking toward her. The carriage had fell to a stop but no one moved to leave the space. "If Jace doesn't want to go to school- if he doesn't want to move in. He doesn't have too!"

"Clary-"

"No Mom! You walk into his life like you know him! Like you _own_ him! Maybe he doesn't want a diploma and college! Maybe he was born to be a shadowhunter! Maybe he's happy with that!"

Suddenly, she felt like the conversation wasn't about just Jace anymore, but something much bigger than just Jace. What about if she didn't want diploma's or college. Maybe she wanted to live as a shadowhunter for the first time in her life.

"Oh," she huffed, Jocelyn getting as angry as Clary, "And you do? You know my son better than I do?"

Her mother's voice had reached a high pitch and her hands shook in anger. She sat forward in her seat, daring her daughter to make her move. Jace looked frantic- stuck in the middle not wanting to take a side. _And you do? You know my son better than I do?_ _Yes, she thought. I do. _She did know him better, better than anyone else. She knew the taste of his lips, the feel of his skin, the beat of his heart. She knew the way he looked down at her when he was in utter content. She knew he loved her in a way that he didn't anyone else. For her mother to step into her life and assume she knew him better on the simple basis she laid through labor with him, was enraging to her.

"Yes!" she screamed, piercing the tense silence. "I do."

Clary made eye contact with Jace, her breathing heavy. His eyes were searching her, confused, torn, but apart of them were grateful. Opening the carriage door she moved to step outside. She hesitated again, looking back at him once more. His eyes hadn't moved from her. Slowly she held her hand out toward him, "Well," she said, "You coming?"

Jace stopped for a moment, looking back at her- their- mother who's mouth had fallen open, his eyes looking unexpectedly at her son. She expected him to defend her, to side with her. Perhaps that was the true tragedy of the situation. Clary watched as Jace looked away from their mother back at Clary and slowly took her hand.

* * *

Jocelyn sat dumbfounded in the carriage, looking out at her daughter and son. Their hands were woven together as she stared out the out the door at them. That picture, their hand's woven together past the Jace's frame exciting the carriage. Clary looked up at her brother with the same look that painted her own face- shock and confusion. For some reason, the look on her daughter's face told the world she hadn't expected him to take her hand. Jocelyn looked across from her at Simon who, half moving toward the door half frozen, was silent but did not mirror the shock that her daughter and herself felt. Simon looked at her, almost with a look of pity. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Just before he moved out the door he looked back at her again and spoke.

"One thing you will learn, if you make him choose between you- well really anyone- and Clary, it will be Clary."

"Simon- how-"

"It will be her, every time."


	6. Chapter Five: When The Lights Go Out

**Burning Bright**

**Rating**: M

**Summary**: All Clary wanted was to feel normal again, for life to turn back into some resemblance of reality. But life would never be normal again; looking at Jace was like looking into the sun: with all its beauty it mesmerizes you, but look too long and it will burn. As much as she tried, she couldn't look away. AU Set after City of Glass.

**AN:** So worst luck ever. I finally had the next few chapters written of this and then while I was on vacation someone stole my laptop! All of my writing is gone and I had to start new :/ Rewriting has its rewards though. Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

_**Where We Left Off:**_

"One thing you will learn, if you make him choose between you- well really anyone- and Clary, it will be Clary."

"Simon- how-"

"It will be her, every time."

* * *

**Chapter 5: When The Lights Go Out**

The small restaurant seemed more like a hole in the wall rather than a five star restaurant. Clary however, had learned long ago never to judge something by its cover. It was a space in a complex of cobblestone buildings that looked the same. Shoved between something that looked like a law office called Lowery Brothers Law Service and Brown's Counseling For Troubled Hunters, the small restaurant called Annabella's looked somewhat out of place. The door was a large wooden door with a large glass window reaching from the middle of the door to just at the top. The logo was sprawled across the window looked like it had been written with frost. The two large windows on either side of the door were covered by large bulky green and white curtains with an arrangement of flowers in the window seals. The picture of it all was serene- like something you would find back in a New York Suburb. Just behind the small buildings were the Glass towers that reached far into the sky. The sun began to sink low, the sky lit with an array of colors: purple, pink, blue, orange. The colors weaved together like artists would brush paint onto a canvas.

"It's breathtaking," She whispered

"Yes, breathtaking." Jace whispered beside her

Clary looked over at him and blushed, finding his gaze fixed in her direction rather than at the skyscape. She faintly heard just the slightest chuckle escape his lips. His light laughter reminded her of the sound of small bells, how an angel might laugh. Jace was wearing the same black slakes and white button up as he did at the dance only a few nights before- if it was even possible somehow he looked more dashing that ever before. Maybe it was the light, or the backdrop, or maybe it was the lure of the forbidden. Clary wasn't sure, but it took everything in her to restrain herself from pulling him close and running her hands through is hair that shined with the colors from the sky. His shirt blew back against him just the slightest from the breeze. The low angles of the sun made his shirt appear almost see through and Clary could count the ridges of his stomach, perfectly formed.

"Clary," he started, "Thank you, for what you did back there."

"It was nothing Jace," Clary replied, "You would have done so for me."

Jace nodded, looking back at the direction of Jocelyn and Luke. Luke had moved to the front of the carriage, leaning against it speaking to the driver. They were both nodding in agreement. Luke handed him some crisp bills and the drive tipped his hat. Clary couldn't hear the conversation past the wind but she watched as the driver pulled the carriage out of the lot and back onto the road at a much faster pace than before. Her mother grasped onto Luke's forearm, leaning in close whispering into his ear. Luke turned to her as the man drove off and tilted her face up to meet his and whispered back. Clary averted her eyes from the pair as they began to walk toward the trio standing in front of the door.

Somehow, Clary had almost forgotten Simon standing next to her. Glancing over, Simon's eyes wouldn't meet hers. He was looking off into the distance, as if trying to find something- anything - else to look at than the two next to him. Clary shrugged the feeling off. The view from in front of the restaurant was breathtaking. She had done her fair share of looking off into the distance since they arrived. Had the stress of her own feelings caused her to have overwhelming paranoia? Sighing Clary followed Luke and her mother as they moved past the trio, motioning for them to follow. As she reached the threshold of the door just behind her mother, Jocelyn let the door thump back against the door jam, nearly hitting Clary directly in the face. Clary stood, shocked for a moment, trying to blink off the hurt. Not physical hurt- it had barely missed her nose, but it had missed it- but emotional pain. Couldn't her mother understand that going back to mundane school- a school that Jace has never even been too- is absurd? Simon could never pass as the boy he was before- even Clary could see how his dashing good looks seemed to stun every girl he met, even her at times. Becoming a vampire had completely changed his physicality and how he held himself. No longer clumsy or awkward as he moved through a crowd- Simon stood out. And Jace? Well Jace received too much attention as a recluse; she couldn't imagine how much attention he would get a public school.

Her stomach clinched at the thought. The other girls would simply be all over Jace and she didn't know if she could handle it. She would be Jace's "little sister." She had watched enough movies depicting "normal" siblings in that situation that it was never a good thing. The little sister wasn't ever able to form her own identity, let alone be able to find anyone to date. With Jace it would be even worse. They would never be able to show how they really felt. She knew him better than anyone else, at school he would degrade her make her nothing but a little sister to justify his own existence at the school in the first place. The girls hanging all over him would just be an added torture to an already taxing day at school.

Simon tugged on her hand pulling her through the door despite her daze. Simon would be different as well. He would be that darkly handsome boy in the back who plays guitar on the weekends at bars. Clary might not even matter anymore.

She couldn't think like that. She knew that would never be true. Even now despite his other relationships Clary always mattered to Simon.

The restaurant was warm, lit was the soft light of floating candles. Each booth was privately petitioned draped with vines creating an incredibly romantic atmosphere. Soft music played in the background, what sounded like a violin to Clary. Waiters rushed about the place, carrying steaming plates of entrees and glasses of premium wine. The server in front of Luke was a small girl, no older than Clary with golden blonde hair and bright green eyes. Her voice soft and flute like, carried across the restaurant, greeting each incoming patron with impeccable charm. She was respectable to Luke, standing an acceptable distance away from him and gave a small bow before taking a hand full of menus and leading them off into the back of the restaurant.

They were taken out the back door of the room to a small gated off area out back. The tall iron gates were covered in vines and candles lit the area. A few smaller tables had been scooted together to accommodate the size of their party and glasses of cold water was already waiting for them at the table. Clary was honestly surprised at the atmosphere of the place and pleasantly enjoyed the aroma of greenery and the lingering smell of pasta. Her stomach churned. What little she had managed to choke down at breakfast was long gone by now and the stress of the day had left her famished.

Clary sat down between Simon and Jace and began to busy herself with the menu that had been placed in front of her. The waitress moved between Jace and Clary becoming a partion between them. The waitress, named Kelly, lingered a bit too long and a bit too close for with Jace for Clary's comfort. Clary buried her resentment for the waitress and conversed with Simon over the dinner items. She only half listened to his responses nodding in agreement and giving short answers when appropriate. Kelly stood their long past the appropriate time needed to give someone a menu and make suggestions, but she knew is he listened to their conversation she would be overwhelmed with jealously. These things would happen and admittedly she knew she had a long road ahead of her to deal with it.

Clary and Simon were the last at the table to order and with a nod Kelly left the table, leaving lingering eyes on Jace. Jace smiled down at the table letting his finger dance around the rim of his water glass and the other playing with the handle of his fork. Luke had begun to snicker, not bothering to hide his obvious humor for the sake of Jace be embarrassed.

"Jace you should get her number. She seems friendly," he laughed.

Clary's stomach churned and turned her back to that end of the table, looking at Simon with what she hoped would pass for a fake smile, "Having fun?"

Simon nodded, "Decently. You seem to be surviving well considering."

Clary said nothing, at first simply shrugging her shoulders and gazed off in the distance. After a few moments of silence she whispered, "I suppose. It's not been all bad. The scenery is beautiful."

"And the staff is super friendly," Simon remarked.

Clary cut a glare at him and Simon bumped his fist against her shoulder, "You have to laugh a little Clary your you will die from the grief." He whispered in her ear.

She knew what he said was true and only nodded, laying her head against his shoulder for support. To others, the two might appear to be in a warm embrace, a moment that shouldn't be disturbed. To Simon and her however, it was a platonic gesture of comfort, holding the other up when they cannot sit straight alone.

Jace hadn't spoken to her since they entered the restaurant. He had laughed and conversed with Luke and their mothering, ignoring the company on his opposite with comfort and ease. Even with as well as she knew him, the coolness of his voice and his relaxed demeanor made her wonder if he really was comfortable with ignoring Simon and herself.

"So Simon," Luke started, "What do you plan on doing after you get back?"

Simon didn't bother to move when answering Luke's question, he continued to fiddle with Clary's finger and propped his head up on her forehead as she laid on his shoulder. "Well honestly, I am not sure."

"Will you go back with your mother?"

Simon hesitated with this answer, stiffening slightly, "I don't think that it will be an option. Considering, what I am. I don't know if I can just go back to normal. Most of my kind join a clan, but I don't really thing that is an option either."

"Have you considered telling your family? Maybe they will understand."

Simon laughed and shook his head, "No offense Luke but that isn't possible. They are Jewish- they will think I am some sort of demon. I mean they wouldn't be far off the mark."

Clary elbowed him in the ribs, "Don't say that."

"Even if I don't say it Clary, it will still be true."

Dinner being served cut the conversation to a close. Simon had insisted on not ordering even though they served for his kind. Clary had ordered twice baked lasagna and it was divine. The perfect mixture of meat, pasta, and several different cheeses met in her mouth for a burst of wonderful flavor. The meal had taken her mind off of her brother next to her and kept her focused on her stomach. For the first time all night she had mustered up the happiness to joke with Simon while eating her meal. It was the closest feeling to comfort she had felt in a very long while.

As their meal came to a close, Luke left their check with a generous tip for Kelly to collect and exited the restaurant through the Iron Gate. He had taken her mother's hand and looked back at the three lingering behind him, "How about a walk? I don't think any of us have been able to enjoy the town."

Clary nodded and followed Luke down the sidewalk with Simon next to her and Jace right in front of her. The moon had set in the sky and the stars were beginning to dance among the clouds. It was a cool night, a romantic scene fit for a walk around the city with its sprawling buildings and elegant greenery. Luke and Jocelyn pointed at an array of places recalling things from their childhood while the others hung back behind them nodding politely.

"This would be beautiful to paint," Clary sighed, "Sit on the grass with water colors and paint the night sky against the towers."

"Yes it would," Jace remarked, "It would make a remarkable painting."

"I doubt I will be able to pencil it in," She laughed.

Those were the last words they spoke on the walk, walking in silence. Whether it was a comfortable one, Clary wasn't sure but she knew that she didn't want to break it. Her limbs were beginning to get heavy and ach with fatigue and she silently hoped that they would be going back home soon where she could crawl to sleep. Simon recognizing her state, pulled her over and let her lean against him.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" she chuckled.

"I think your mother would kill us both," Simon laughed.

Clary sighed at the sight of the carriage and climbed up taking her seat next to the window as before. The window against her cheek was cool and comforting as the dark night moon shining into the window softly lit the cabin as it began to move. Her eyelids felt heavy and soon she begins to drift to sleep. The words of the people around her began to blur and she shut her eyes falling into the dark of sleep.

"_Look," she though she heard one of them say, "Clary has already fallen asleep!"_

_The last words came softly beside her, like the sounds of distant bells, "Don't worry," Jace said, "I can carry her in."_

* * *

As Clary opened her eyes all she could see around her was the blurred vision of her room, the curtains closed . She closed her eyes, rubbing them with her hands before opening them again and examining herself. She was still in her dinner clothes; her shoes removed and laid on her bed beneath her covers. Her bra was beginning to cut into her back. Out of habit she reached back and unfastened the snaps, throwing it carelessly in the floor near her bed. By the silence and the darkness around her, it seemed to be the dead of night and Clary was still incredibly tired. She laid her head back against her pillow trying to drift back to sleep but the uncomfortable feeling of her dinner clothes would not allow her. Moving out of her bed, she clumsily tripped her way to the dresser rummaging through till she found one the most comfortable shirt. Slipping her blouse and dress pants off, her clothes fell lazily to the floor and she stood for a moment before slipping the shirt over her head, enjoying the comfort of the air against her naked skin. Clary turned back towards her bed as she slipped the shirt over her head tugging it down over her stomach. She pulled the band out of her head and shook her hair loose before opening her eyes wide and reality begin to settle in.

Between her fatigue and uncomfortable clothing Clary had forgotten than her routine had been broken, that her room had been invaded.

Jace sat wide eyed on his bed, mouth slightly ajar with a blush painting his face. She must have woken him up when she had stumbled across the room. Without thinking she had stripped naked in front of her brother and basked in the cool night air. Frozen in place, embarrassment didn't begin to explain the situation that had just occurred. He had looked at her, venerable and unclothed, and the thick tension between them filled the room. The hem of her tee shirt danced around the skin just above the line of her panties and she finally let out a shaky breath.

"Jace I," she stuttered, "I-I am so sorry—I-I forgot- I am-"

Jace had closed the distance between them but neither of them touched. His gold eyes seemed incredibly close. The look burned her like the night in the green house, the night of her birthday right before they kissed. Not unlike before, his hand lingered in the air with hesitation. For a moment she even thought he would pull away—that they would simply go back to bed and pretended it all never happened.

But Clary's night wouldn't end that way. There were two last words uttered that lingered in the air before they closed the distance. Neither of them was sure which one said them or which one of them moved first but all they knew was that when their lips met that neither of them could pull away.

"_Fuck it." _


End file.
